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  • I have experienced life with an autogynephile first hand, as my ex-partner of two years, who identified as transvestite at the time, is now a transwoman of this type (still with male genital organs and with no intention of transitioning, as with the majority of self-identified transwomen). Whilst I was with my ex, he openly admitted to me that he would fantasise that we were both lesbians, and I often felt objectified, the clothes I was wearing fetishized, and frankly patronised at times as I was cooed over for displaying any kind of stereotypical feminine behaviour (and I don’t consider myself a particularly feminine woman), all of which made me feel uncomfortable as it was not a reflection of how I feel about my sex, gender or sexuality. It made me feel like a prop in a man’s fantasy, his view of women and our ‘essence’, very much coming from the perspective of the male gaze. I have always been on good terms with my ex and supportive of however he wishes to express himself, but as I’ve lately been going through therapy I’ve started to look back over my past relationships and see how much was wrong with them. I cannot accept the demands of his trans-ideology which requires that I acknowledge as fact that they are a woman, to call them otherwise is hate speech, and thus by extension that I am presumably a lesbian. This is not out of any moral objection, but because it is not true, and in addition doesn’t seem to be driven by any genuine belief on their part that they are a woman, but are getting a sexual kick out of on being called one. My lived experience in my own female body as a natal born woman does not appear to be in any way similar to that of this ex-partner. He displays in his confidence to speak out about trans issues all the confidence of the white, male, middle class background that he was raised in, and I hit peak trans after they were ‘transplaining’ to me street harassment as though I, who have lived my entire life as a woman and have experienced this since pubescence, as well as being the victim of a violent sexual assault on the street, couldn’t possibly know what that’s like! Scientific text books are the only thing that should define what a woman is, not a vocal minority of men in dresses who not only insist they are women but insist we fully accept them as such or else suffer threats, shame and violence.

    • Bless you, Jojo and thank you for your enlightening comment. I plan to include more information about autogynephiles at some stage, hopefully soon. x

      • Wonderful, and I wrote this late at night so forgive me for not already mentioning how much I admire and am grateful for the work you are doing on behalf of women’s rights.

  • This site has really hit a nerve and your ‘journey’ mirrored mine. I have over the years been very sympathetic to trans women and their battle with gender dysphoria. I had an acquaintance that went through what was a gruelling transitioning process and countless operations to face, upper body and saving up for the final major surgery to recreate a vagina. One thing that struck me that this person was very wary of the emerging trans movement and especially fellow trans-women, repeatedly asserting that they did not speak for anyone but themselves because despite their posturing in ultra-sexualised ‘women’s’ clothes, they retained a very male domineering attitude to hijack any conversation and to monopolise any debate. And since then my overwhelming experience whenever encountering trans people and really only trans women is that there was a massive pity party competition to trump any of the experiences of biological women. Whenever native women speak of their experiences and especially being victims of male violence, trans women would interrupt and try to make everything about them.

    What slowly has begun to boil my pee is the totally inflated narrative of violence against trans women with rigged and completely unscientific statistics that rely on hysterical hearsay. One such statistics often trotted out is the violence against trans women in for example Brazil. However, these pseudo studies never actually give a prime figure of the overall rate of murders or violent attacks on women in general, especially in the more deprived areas. This makes the trans murder and violence statistics nonsensical. The simple fact is that violence against women is extremely high in Brazil and to ignore it is to ignore the suffering of biological women. An all too familiar experience. Another massive aspect of these skewered statistics is that many of the violence against trans-women happens against a backdrop of prostitution. In order to afford the costly cosmetics procedures that are all too often less about merely passing as female but emulating a glamour look, the share of pre-op trans women who do sex work is extremely high. Even in the UK, you can quickly see the relatively large numbers of trans escorts. However, violence against sex workers and fatalities in many countries that offer little if no protection or rights to anyone engaged in prostitution are disproportionally high anyway. It’s in this context that you may see what appears to be an alarming rate of violence and murder of trans women. However, as usual, the overall much greater violence and large number of biological female victims is conveniently ignored.

    To me the vociferous trans movement is a bandwagon upon which many people jump who do not even remotely suffer from gender dysphoria. It’s the new fashionable movement, many attention seeking gay men with a clear hatred of women jumped on. Merely being gay is so 1990. Where in the past young women fresh into college would snog and dip their toes into some lipstick lesbian experimentation, being gender fluid is where it’s at these days. Your Twitter or Instabrag profile is just too bland if you do not insert some waffle about being ‘gender queer’ whatever the feck that actually means. And this really pisses me off because it not only provides a platform for all the attention seekers but it undermines the much lower number of genuine gender dysphoria sufferers. Women are expected to pander to narcissistic transvestites or former drag queens whose idea of femininity makes Page 3 girls look cerebral! We literally are thrown back hundred years to the most rigid and ridiculous stereotypes of what women should look like. It’s like biological women are fighting on several fronts to retain their identity because on the one hand, we are bombarded with the Stripper chic of the Kerching Kardashians and on the other hand we have the most ridiculous drag queens hailed as the new beauty standard. The most vociferous voices to attack feminists are pissy, misogynistic gay men with a blatant hatred for biological women. And most of all, we are supposed to be a simpering, adoring and fawning audience for their inflated egos. Because men, regardless of who or what they shag, still expect, nay demand that we women shut up and now these trifling mofos even hijack our feminist struggle. Ms Pankhurst did not have a penis. And she sure as hell did not fight for entitled chicks with dicks!

  • I do hope that this important blog you’ve created becomes a positive source of healing for you. You have inspired me to tell the story of how I reached peak trans. I hope it helps others crystalise any disquieting thoughts they may have about the official narrative. At this point I feel like silence is acquiescence, even if I am a fearty about publishing my not-common-at-all-name. (I apologise if this is inappropriately long or in the wrong place, if so please delete it.)

    While I am not (yet) closed to the notion that some individuals will best find their place in the world living as the opposite gender to which they were born my real life interactions with MtT individuals have in nearly every instance followed a disquieting pattern that until recently I couldn’t find words for which certainly didn’t fit the media narrative. I must confess I have never met a FtT person, so I can offer no opinion but a thankfulness that my generation had a wider gender expectations because I am sure that young, unconventional me would have been very vulnerable to being persuaded that I were “really a man” which could only have led to tragedy down the road. If it hadn’t been for Mumsnet I would not have got wind of just how serious this is all getting and I would not have been exposed to the transwidows whose stories finally made me understand my disquiet which has turned into a quiet rage at what’s going on unnamed and so unchallenged.

    I am in some ways an unconventional woman, always drawn to traditionally “blokey” jobs and have never been very interested in defining my femininity in opposition to masculinity. I know I am a woman and am content to exist in my skin. The issue has until recently never felt important to my person. Since it seems the done thing to declare such things these days, I am overwhelmingly attracted to men even though I always wear comfortable shoes. The reason for this prologue will become clear, I’m sure that those of you who have been paying attention to the problem with the trans movement before I had a clue know what’s coming.

    I have one of those “open faces” and am a good listener. If you’ve stood next to me at a bus stop you may have told me your life story without ever knowing that you were going to do something like that. Several MtTs have at one time or another glommed onto me as a potential ally as I am someone who is obviously bad at performing gender. The first few times this happened I was very sympathetic. It must be a very painful experience to feel trapped in a loathed body while also having to battle against societal expectations. An acquaintance would form and then sooner or later (in my experience sooner) there would be a shift in gear. The MtT always wanted to talk about frilly knickers, corsets, makeup, high heels, and how “hot” it is to have a female body at their disposal and “didn’t I like touching myself too,” and they always seemed incredulous that my days don’t consist of “smuggling” lingerie under my workaday gear and slipping off to fondle my own breasts (always the boobies). I would get testy and underline that I am just me and that I am not very “girlie” so if they wanted to chat about those things they’d need to find another audience.

    And then it would start, the critiquing of all the ways I am not a “real” woman, and always, always an attack on my not ample bosom and indifference to cosmetics followed by shock that I didn’t simply collapse at having these “faults” pointed out. I don’t think it would occur to them that I really love my body. I think it’s amazing, capable and beautiful. I was always left with the impression that they thought they dropped me as an “inferior” specimen of womanhood, for clearly I have no agency, I’m just a faulty prop.

    I let this play out several times out of a morbid curiosity. Surely not all MtT can be like that? But each and every one I came to know in real life through progressive circles was. I still hadn’t hit peak trans though it hadn’t escaped my attention that being trans had become faddy among teenagers which worried me as my teens were a time of self-exploration and trying on different roles for fit but that didn’t involve life-altering medical interventions and I felt and still feel this is connected to constricting gender roles. What did it for me was coming across the transwidow blogs and seeing a pattern of male entitlement, rage, coerciveness, and control, which if you took out the trans element mirrored a long, damaging relationship I somehow became trapped in for the whole of my twenties (nobody expects that of a bolshie woman, do they?). It also introduced me to the term autogynephilia and I knew at once that I had met several autogynephiliacs. All those MtTs who had tried to fix me? had been deeply in lust with themselves, why else could they not believe that I wasn’t into fondling own my breasts at every given opportunity? The final hammer blow came from a blog where the writer described going to an event with her then husband and described another couple I happen to have been acquainted with years ago. They were my positive examplar of a long, happy marriage with an out MtF (as I then thought), but this description was not idyllic and it had such a ring of truth to it, the woman being used as a template like by an alien trying to copy how to human. Finally I saw the danger of not being allowed to even say, “not all these trans are the same,” or “a man should not be allowed to deny a woman her own definition of womanhood.” I may just have hit peak rage when a discussion about the worrying renewed rigidity and contraction of gender roles on a formerly favourite forum was silenced by a slew of “denying gender roles erases transpeople” comments. I won’t swear since I am a guest, but I am still seething inside.

    I am a generation Xer. As I came of age I had no sense of how hard the second wave had fought. I was vaguely grateful to them like I was to the soldiers who won WWII (if only history were as simple as it’s taught at school), but they were just embarrassing in the new egalitarian world they’d helped make. Their warning about males colonising women were misunderstood by my teenage peer group (“is this a sex thing? Eeeeew!”) and dismissed. Well, here we are and I have been found sleeping on the job. I should have listened all those decades ago. I’m listening now and am trying to figure out how to help.

  • I work with the Community Behavioral Health Services of San Francisco. I feel that everyone is deserving the respect of their own name and identity. I feel it my responsibility to reach out and respectively validate that person’s identity. If that person is comfortable with male/female, other of no pronouns, I need to make the effort out of respect for that individual to use the name and pronoun they identify with at that time. I find that often people who are not familiar with this act of respect are often critical or offended by my request of their prefer. It is not as difficult in San Francisco, but outside of the area people often will respond, “Don’t I look like a guy/girl? What’s wrong with you?” I don’t want to offend anyone, but it is a dilemma.

  • This is such an important campaign, that everyone needs to be informed as to what is happening. This will affect every part of day to day life if the reforms to the Gender Rights Act are allowed to go ahead unchecked.

    I wonder if anyone one of you can honestly say that you are comfortable with placing men, some of whom have sexually violent and criminal background into All-Female Prisons, Rape Crisis Centres, Refuges, and other ‘Female-Only Safe Spaces? Please do not naively think that this is a women-only concern and that because you are male, it will not encroach on your life, because it already has!

    Women who are presently shouted down, no-platformed, and accused of being ‘Transphobic’ by ‘Transactivists’, Academic Institutions, and Political Parties, including the Women’s Equality Party, and the Labour Party, are being victimised, because they choose to refer to themselves as ‘biological women’ and/or lesbians. Women who express the need to discuss important issues that affect them on a daily basis such as Menstruation, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Abortion, and Menopause are being silenced, bullied, and threatened physically in person and online. BUT be assured MEN, that you too will be accused of ‘Transphobia’ if you believe and proclaim that you are biologically male, and have the right to male-only spaces. You may also find yourself being fined or losing your job, or a position on a committee or board, if you do not adhere to all of these new rulings, one of which is that you must use the prefix ‘CIS’ when referring to yourself as the biological sex you were born, otherwise you will be accused of being ‘violent’ toward transactivists. These things are already happening to women and men in the UK and the USA.

    Let me ask you; if you are a father who has a daughter; are you happy with adult men and boys being allowed in female changing rooms and showers? Are you comfortable with allowing boys to win prizes in ‘girls-only’ track events at school sporting events? Are you happy to watch as a man claims sporting prizes for a sport where women have sacrificed and trained for years, only to be deposed on the podium by a man who has a biological advantage? Are you happy to allow a man into the boxing ring to fight women? What if these female athletes were your daughters or family? How would you feel?

    What if your young son or daughter professed confusion and discomfort in regard to their gender; are you happy knowing that doctors will quite easily prescribe ‘Puberty Blockers’ to children as young as 10 years old, and if that child decides to eventually ‘transition’ fully, they may eventually be persuaded to undergo mastectomies or castration. NOBODY knows the long-term effects of taking artificial hormones for the rest of one’s life. For God sake, the medical profession is only just admitting that the Pill and HRT if taken long-term, may have serious detrimental health effects on women resulting in varying forms of cancer.

    The concerns that I have raised only begin to scratch the surface.

    NO ONE is advocating that Transpeople do not deserve the dignity, equality, and rights that are accorded to the rest of society, because let me be clear about this, they unequivocally do! BUT, this needs to be talked about rationally, because there have to be alternative measures taken to ensure that Trans people are safe and healthy and are afforded exactly the same opportunities in life as everyone else, WITHOUT eroding freedom of speech, and the rights that biological women have fought so long and hard for.

    We live in a democracy and therefore everyone on both sides of the argument should be consulted and properly informed. Do not let the government ride roughshod over you, because at the moment, if you have concerns over the Gender Recognition Act, not one single political party cares about what you think!

  • Maria, I use this website as my main research center on issues of transgenderism. It is an invaluable resource. I so appreciate the work you’ve done here. Thank you. I wish you the best in all things.

  • Hi, keep up the good work! I went “peak trans” a few years back – I had no idea there was a word for it . . .

    I have also subsequently ditched all of the horrific narcissistic trans acquaintances I had the misfortune to know. With two possible exceptions, every one of the mtf transexuals was deeply mysoginistic and homophobic.

    As I keep telling them, there is more to being a woman than a pair of plastic tits, too much make-up and a nasty fake personality. Frankly, I’m more ladylike than that lot. Not that you know me, but if you did you’d know that i look nothing like a woman.

  • I can only really echo what others are saying. I am shocked at the vitriol and misogyny directed at women expressing reasoned and measured opinions about the trans issue. It is an outrage against women coupled with mass denial from large swathes of the Left. If people do eventually wake up to this assault on free speech, I wonder just how much worse things will be by then. You are extremely brave.

  • Thank you Maria! You have the respect and admiration of many. We will survive this hideous onslaught against women and come out the other side more resilient, stronger and with our integrity intact.

  • You appear to be having a problem not with trans people but with the rabid left who are using them as a tool. As a consequence like a bull running at a matadors cape, you miss the cause and attack the symptom.

    Trans people have been around for decades quietly getting on with life, not bothering anyone and then suddenly – BANG! Doesn’t that strike you as strange? It should do because it’s the sign that an outside interest has suddenly taken an interest.

    Renee Richards was an tennis international in the 1970s – didn’t do particularly well (scotching the false assumption that they would) but no one created a song & dance like this website! Why not? Because it wasn’t that big a deal. No one cared enough, and that’s the point.

    There is a cause to all this and it’s not just affecting this issue but several others too. You should be fighting this cause together with all the other groups and not attacking a group who until a few months ago you probably never even thought about.

    The left wreck everything they touch, and then move onto to something else good, and wreck that. They never admit that they did anything wrong, or ever attempt to put things right. This is a psychological condition called Left Wing Denial, and it has been responsible for more non – natural deaths than any other cause. If we take our eyes off them, by being distracted by one of the groups they are using a tool, and as such just as much victims, then we allow them to carry on unimpeded. Surely no one wants that ?

    • Maybe try reading this site before making assumptions about me and posting conspiraloon theories.

  • Thank you so much for this. It has become terrifying to be a woman lately. I’m particularly disturbed by the vitriol received from women supporting the trans cult.

  • We stand with you, Maria. Thank you for this richly annotated center for research on the whole complex issue of transgenderism.

  • You are a brave woman. Thank you for sharing with us. You are not alone.

  • Thoughtfully curated and annotated. Thank you for making. I especially appreciate your thorough section on the transitioning of youth.

  • Fantastic site and very informative collection of resources. Well done and thank you.

  • Thank you so much for this, it has increased my understanding so much. I will be following closely.

  • Two half years ago my life changed dramatically. I found out my bf was bi. Not only that but he liked and had sex with cut a long story short, after hvg a very kinky couple of years it made me feel very uncomfortable that all these tv’s call each other ‘girls’.and tbh being a woman in a virtually total secret male world opened my eyes see SO many ‘straight’ (yeah right) men cheating on their wives/gf with men was pretty shocking and horrendous. And seeing their attitudes to women as well!! Most of the extremely promiscuous tv’s r straight acting and their partners have no idea that they regularly have sex with other men.anyway, fast forward to about 3 weeks ago.always feeling uncomfortable with the term ‘gender’ especially being referred to as ‘cis’ i came across really quite by accident, the anti trans movement and the term terf.

    Lets be honest here, there are aggressive people on both sides of the fence. But the absolute bile and venom that militant trans supporters spew out has genuinely shocked me. I started out being ok with trans ppl living their lives, although i have never really been comfortable with them referring to themselves as women and even less so as ‘lesbians’!!! Then u find out that there are little twats out there (lily madigan). At first i kind of supported him as a her, but seeing how he blocks virtually all women who disagree with his pov and talks quite frankly, out of his arse, (and is incredibly smarmy with it) has made me feel so angry that little twats like that can self id and get jobs as a womens officer and be supported by a man i used to respect (Jeremy Corbyn) that i have done a total u turn. Well almost!

    I do feel that if a man goes through the whole process INCLUDING surgery, then i feel they have won the right to b referred to as a woman. But ONLY under those circs. They will never be a female, but to me it shows the depth of feeling that i think should be respected by us. But anything less, and especially the idea of self ID is just insanity and a total and utter insult, not only to women, but to other TW who have gone through the whole ‘transition’ process. Some of you wont agree with my last statement, i know that. But i do think that we as a movement need to show willing here. To totally block any circumstances of a man who really is unhappy living as such, from going through a system of full change i think is wrong. It isnt democratic. But anything less than full transition is unacceptable. Sorry for my waffle!

    • *I do feel that if a man goes through the whole process INCLUDING surgery, then i feel they have won the right to be referred to as a woman. But ONLY under those circs. They will never be a female, but to me it shows the depth of feeling that i think should be respected by us.*

      I disagree Scarlett – I feel they have the right to be called a transwoman. I am reluctant to share the name that is given to my biological sex and my socialised history to a subset of males who have undergone surgery to outwardly appear similar to me. Much less try to re-identify me by adding the pre-fix cis or natal to distinguish me whilst commandeering the ‘identity’ of woman for themselves.

    • As a Transwoman myself, I cannot agree with ever calling us women, we are not women, yet at the same time we arent really “men” … me and many other transsexuals are just fine being called Transwomen, thank you. its a part of our culture, getting rid of our terms (just like in the case of men taking the word woman) you are effectively taking away our culture, experiences, etc… from us.

      so no, as a Transwoman i would never call myself, or other Transwoman, a “woman”

  • Thank you for this. I have had nasty responses and been added to lists such as c**t and TERF for commenting and liking on Twitter. Your site has answered so many questions and helped me to understand just why I have felt so uncomfortable about a lot of what I read about male transgendering. I will support and keep reading.

  • Thanks for doing this. We’re with you. Your curating of all your research here will help us all.

  • We stand with you. Thank you.

  • Excellent. Thanks!

  • Thank you

  • Thank you and will be watching.

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